Just to pass the time...

Started this as when I used to get back from work, I was usually so hyped I couldn't sleep for a couple of hours. Now just sort of carried it on for the fun, I try to make it funny, if it isn't please don't hurt me... Anyway, try to enjoy :)

Sunday, 28 December 2014

Quirks & Perks

So here's a small rant about the quirky little things other people may relate to... Or alternatively I'm just super duper weird. Also a possibility...

Firstly.

Hiccups....

I swear I always get these at the most insanely inappropriate moments. I'll be sat in the middle of a test, and for literally no reason, I'm bouncing up and down like some out-of-control space-hopper gone wrong, going "HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC HIC!"

It's not even remotely discreet. It's like I've been possessed. And then people (aka my so-called "friends") start giggling which draws even more unwanted attention upon myself to the point I'm asked to go and get a drink and control the involuntary spasms racking my body.

Secondly, when someone talks to me whilst I'm not expecting it my response will ALWAYS sound sarcastic. For example, I was approached in the common room the other day by my head of year.

Him: "Oh! Robyn! I've got something in my office for you if you'd like to collect it at lunch." (Being my student card)
Me: "OHHH well doesn't that just sound DELIGHTFUL!" 

And that's one way to piss people off. 

People think I'm doing it on purpose, it's difficult to explain that I was actually being genuine... It's just an anti-awkwardness mechanism.

Next, how could I forget that every time I sneeze, I'm met with a chorus of "Bless you!"

I get it. It's polite. But for some reason it really aggravates me.... I'm just sat there minding my own business and then "ATISHOO!". As if that wasn't already bad enough and I wasn't already drawing enough attention, I get blessed.

Don't bless me. I'm evil. It won't work so well in your favour.... As I've already pointed out, I'm fairly certain I'm possessed... I mean, sarcasm and hiccups don't lead up to nothing.



I don't need a blessing. I need an exorcist.

Also, MY JOINTS!!!

I snap and crack more times a day than a raging psychopath under an extortionate amount of pressure.

It's quite fun in exams and in the cinema.

Just think about it. You're watching an intense horror movie and it's the quiet bit where something's about to jump out...

...and

...CRACK!

If I just rotate my ankle, I get "click click click click" which I often use as a metronome whilst practicing guitar. And I'm not even ashamed to admit it.

But when I wake up and am relentlessly trying to be silent, all my joints going off at once really doesn't help. My hips and shoulders sound like someone being shot.

One time, in German class, my hip went off when I wasn't expecting it, I nearly shat myself, and stacked it as a result....

My doctors and physio keep thinking I'm hyper-mobile or something which would explain the back but I've had all these tests and stuff where a had to stretch my fingers out as far as they would go, and things like that, and I'm not. It's just some whacky thing about me which I could easily live without.

It bothers some people too, when I sit there and push in all my knuckles to make them pop. Personally I don't feel the issue....to me it feels like releasing a demon from my fists.

Does anyone else always start hearing people shouting their name the second they put earphones in or are those just the voices in my head that tell me what to do....?

Recently too, I seem to be getting very emotional about trivial things. My phone will be playing music on shuffle and a song I'm not keen on will come on.

And do I skip the song after rolling my eyes? Sighing? Something remotely normal?

Nope. For some reason I mutter "Oh, why don't you just kill yourself!?" under my breath.

....?....

And I don't even make a conscious decision to say it....it's like WORD SPLURGE!

I mean, nice Robyn. Real damn nice.

Sometimes I also do things for LITERALLY NO REASON.

I'll throw a bottle of water on the floor as hard as I can because a bus hasn't shown up.

I'll be doing homework, walk downstairs, open the fridge, close it, and go back to doing my homework.

I'll just randomly say thinks like "a woba bob bob" because I have nothing better to say.

I'll brush my teeth 3 times because it beats whatever I'm meant to be doing.

I'll creep up behind my friends and hug them to death without them noticing until the very last minute purely because they are my friends and I love them to the moon and back.

Okay, so I lied about the last one. 

I actually just do it to scare the living shit out of them. It's the funniest thing in the world. I mean, their FACES! CLASSIC!

I'm evil, remember?