Just to pass the time...

Started this as when I used to get back from work, I was usually so hyped I couldn't sleep for a couple of hours. Now just sort of carried it on for the fun, I try to make it funny, if it isn't please don't hurt me... Anyway, try to enjoy :)

Wednesday 30 September 2015

Staying fit....OVERRATED!!!

So I'm doing this instead of my wonderful English homework.

Yay me. Little rebel!

To be fair, it's a comparative essay on two poems with literally nothing in common.... I've written two pages of me completely bullshitting already, I've sort of given up.

So I thought I'd share my experiences of the past few days with you guys, my fellow, invisible readers.

(It would be awesome if someone could comment by the way so that you're not an invisible reader anymore :3 )

So I have a couple of friends who swear that going running makes them feel invincible and just goddamn on top of the world.

So naive little me....

NAIVE LITTLE ME....

....thought, hey, why don't I start getting up a little bit earlier in the mornings and going for a run before school.

WHAT A GOOD IDEA!

I thought it would be nice to be a bit fitter, maybe tone up a few muscles and feel better about myself.

I just feel like a total fucking mess now. Not gonna lie....

It started off pretty good. Just sorta ran across a field next to my house and thought go me, I'm a legend, look at me go... well, time to go home now....

Oh.

I've been out for 50 seconds.....

So I did carry on going for like another 20 minutes, got home and thought fuck me, I'm hungry...

So proceeded to make salted caramel brownies (which were flipping heavenly!!!)

My weight-loss etiquette is super amazing, as you can tell.

My back hurt soooo much after though I actually went back to bed after lunch....

When I first came downstairs in all my gear, little lycra shorts, frizzy hair pulled back and a cami, my parents did a double take.

They were pretty supportive though and I was fairly proud of myself.

Monday morning I woke up at 6:40am and ran 2.5km around my village. It took 20 minutes but hey, I'm not very fit so I was pretty proud. My dad got the biggest shock coming downstairs at 7:15 and finding me all hot and bothered and most shockingly.....awake.

I was way too smiley for a Monday morning though....people began to get worried.

Something that peed me off rather spectacularly though.... The app I used to time me and track my distance also told me how many calories I burned with my work-out.

ONE HUNDRED

AND FIFTY-THREE

MOTHERFUCKING CALORIES

THAT IS IT!

I was so put out. All that effort to only burn like one twentieth of what I'm meant to per day.

So instead of listening to my sore and achey muscles, naturally, I went again this morning (Tuesday).

What a fucking mistake....

After I couldn't walk without stumbling, my legs were so heavy, my hips ached and my ankles burned like hell.

To burn another 150 calories....

I'm taking tomorrow off before I fuck myself up too much...

In all fairness, my legs do seem more toned than before....although that may be my imagination....

Anyway, the point is....exercise is completely overrated, though I will stick to this whole running regime as I have my reasons for wanting to be fitter...

Like doing a cross-channel relay in the summer...

What is wrong with me?

So I have a volunteer job as a lifeguarding teacher, or poolside assistant thingy ma bob...

Basically, I teach kids how to save peoples' lives and it's actually pretty fun.

I qualified as a lifeguard in the summer and I was pretty pleased with myself as it's pretty tough work, especially swimming with clothes on....

I got my job conformation certificate the other day through the post and it says something pretty weird....

"Position applied for: CHILD WORKFORCE"

No. I did not sign up for the flipping child slave trade....

What's wrong with "teacher"?

Saturday 12 September 2015

A 6th Form Reality Check

So there's a common view of 6th formers created with admiration and aspiration by younger students in the school. I know this is a fact. I myself did the same thing.

Lower down the school you look up at 6th formers and think "one day, I want to be just as grown up and clever as they are".

Let's get one thing straight here: noooo you don't!

For starters, we don't have to wear a uniform. 

Great. Fantastic. Wonderful. 

So now I spend half an hour every evening in a pile of clothes and a puddle of tears trying to assess which of my clothes will be deemed suitable, fashionable, don't trigger an alarming sense of paranoia that I'll be sent home for indecent exposure because my shoulder is visible. 

I always looked up to those older kids with the big shiny badges embellished on their chests labelling them as "Area Prefects". I saw them as a figure of authority and hoped that one day I would be picked to be one.

Teacher: "Oh, before we pack up, does anyone mind being an area prefect for the English department? You get a nice badge..."

And it was as easy as that. 

You may think we are oh so lucky, with our free periods and endless amount of extra time. Lies. Again.

"Supervised Study Sessions", so called for the fact that there is never a teacher around for the entire duration of the lesson, are usually spent with people hunched over books desperately trying to keep up with the crashing wave of homework which has washed over the lot of us.

Luckily for me, I do better doing homework at home... So my study sessions usually result in me having what I like to call, "second breakfast".

What schools hide from the younger years is that once you reach the 6th Form, that school healthy regime you've always hated? Well that goes well and truly out of the window. They ensure that you're in great shape when you enter Year 12, but by the time you've reached the end of Year 13, chances are you're going to have Type 2 diabetes and will most likely be morbidly obese.

We all know why that is though. You get so stressed out and tense with all the work you get, they pump you full of endorphins and send you on your way to Happy Land. It keeps us awake so that we can be up until the dead of the night finishing that analytical critique on Pride And Prejudice. It's the only thing between a friendly working environment and 200 simultaneous mental breakdowns within school grounds.

So they make the 6th Form Common Room a feeding ground of pizza, ciabattas, toast, Nutella, brownies, cake, rocky road, Cadbury's hot chocolate, coffee. Like I said, it's the only thing keeping us sane.

While I admit I love the common room during study periods, with its comfy sofas, unwobbly tables, central heating and the pleasant smell of toast, come break and lunch, it becomes something quite different,

People come flocking in, tables fill up, and suddenly, loud, popular music (God forbid) is pouring out the speakers at a ridiculous volume while you try to not be knocked to the ground because, however hard I try, I always seem to be in someone's way. There's loud voices and it becomes in-navigable. You're trapped for eternity. Maybe longer.

Yet stubbornly I persist to go there at breaks and lunchtimes where I am actually free. The sole reasons for this are because a) that's where my friends are and b) tragically, I have nowhere else to go.

Your heart should bleed for me.

When I was in year 9, a little birdie told me that in the 6th form, you were able to access Facebook, YouTube, Yahoo Answers and many many more using the dreaded school WiFi.

Boy was I disappointed to find that the only change was that they'd also managed to make Snapchat inaccessible too.

If anyone ever tried to kid you that there's some sort of smooth transition between GCSE and A level, then honey, you've been lied to.

The transition is like having a carpet ripped out from under your feet and landing flat on your face, breaking every bone in your body in the process.

I wasn't expecting it to be easy, but I was at least expecting a bit of adjustment time....

The teachers also set homework just for the heck of setting homework. It's like they get kicks out of it...

Teacher: "We have a lesson tomorrow so I'll see you then. Oh! Homework! Hmmmm let's see....how about exercises 1-8 on pages 23, 24 and 25 and we'll mark it together next lesson!"

For German especially, it feels like I've gone from describing the weather to writing about things I don't even know in English. We did a translation of an advert about a child shoving porridge into a VCR player the other week. I'm not even kidding. I won't even mention the one about the elderly man driving through a shop window....

They expect us to do volunteering outside of class to show how caring we are for the local community. The past couple of weeks, all I've really cared about is my bed and when dinner is going to be ready. 

How are we meant to have time? They say that we have to spend 3 hours or so a day studying.... As kids we're meant to do an hour of exercise a day. We have school all day. We're meant to relax too. Parents expect us to help out a bit, we have to have dinner, shower, whilst getting 8 hours of sleep a night...

We also have to get jobs to fund our new-found obsessions with school rocky road. And university obviously. That's also pretty important.

I decided to skip out on the exercise bit in particular. Also the sleeping part. Sleep is for the weak.

Thankfully I already volunteer as a swim teacher, which I absolutely love so it's no biggie, but honestly, We're teenagers, not gods.

I still get told I'm not allowed to go to the toilet during a lesson when I'm about to throw up yet I'm expected to be a saint and manage my life spectacularly. 

(FYI, I just stormed out the classroom anyway).

So 6th Form....expectation vs. reality is quite a different tale. While I love my school (most of the time) and I especially love my subjects, I have definitely walked into this blindfolded and walked into several lamp posts.

I mean I'm most annoyed about the whole Snapchat thing but whatever. ;) 

Sunday 6 September 2015

A New Start

So for someone who finds change an incredibly large feat, this past couple of weeks have been rather interesting for me.

First off are the sheer amount of people that have, over the summer, appeared to have decided to no longer be friends with specific people.

Namely me.

Screw them and their negativity. I'm funny sometimes.

However, the biggest change of all is the start of 6th form.

So thankfully I passed all my GCSEs at a B grade or above, which is pretty sweet. It meant I could take any subject that really took my fancy.

Sometimes it amazes me that I did that well. For example, I peered into a dark classroom only the other day and saw the interactive whiteboard moving. Shocked, I jumped on my three friends like "OH MY GOSH GUYS THERE'S A GHOST USING THE COMPUTER!". They all laughed, patted me on the head in the most condescending way possible, and pointed out that the teacher was sat at the computer.

Just something else I'll never live down then....

Over the summer, I spent a lot of time and money buying clothes for the next two years. At my school, we have a kind of uniform thing, and have to dress all business-like.

I took this super seriously, however having now started 6th Form, it would appear that I was in fact one of the only ones who did.... Most people come in wearing skinny jeans.

Whoops... Now I look completely out of place in my pencil skirts and swaggy blazer.

So now every day I have to choose in advance what I'm going to wear because I simply have to be organised. I sit on the floor cross legged for 15 minutes, just thinking about what might make a reasonably attractive outfit, and not make me look like some sort of small child dressing up in mummy's office clothes.

This is a concern I actually have.

And four days in, alas! I'm already becoming stumped for ideas! This really isn't good... I have another year and 8 months of this yet...

For some reason I'm really conscious of wearing the same thing twice. It's a little bit of a stupid worry, but people can be so weird about it! Like, "ew, didn't you wear that dress last week?"

Uhhh, yeah, I did. I mean I washed it and everything though...

For some reason it still bothers me quite a bit. I guess I just don't like those sort of snobby confrontations. It would be a tad awkward and embarrassing.

Another massive change is the fact I only take four subjects now, and I have free periods. It's only the start of it all, so I know it's going to get ridiculously hectic and I won't be saying this, but it's quite chilled out. I'm relaxed. It just seems that most people really aren't.

I'm meeting new people and making new friends too, which is awesome, because I definitely needed to. I did have a bit of a habit of keeping people close who I'm not entirely sure actually gave a toss about me...

Luckily, that's over. I'm stupidly naive but I'm starting to grow up a lot I think. So in the last 6 months, I've changed my name, cut my hair, got a fringe, made my hair go brown, got some totally hipster glasses and developed my own sense of style.

So now I don't dress like a man!

I've loved reinventing myself and changing, but now I'm running out of things to change. I mean, there's foot size reduction surgery... Is that a thing? It should be a thing. If it's not a thing, it seriously ought to be.

So I'm trying more to be pretty, be nice and polite, be funny and laid back. I think I'm doing a pretty good job :)

So all this change at once is sort of inspiring me to reach my full potential as a person I guess. Purge the horrible people from my life, work more on my failing physical health, and get as close to perfect as I'll ever be.

So as I said before, 6th Form is a lot more change than I anticipated. But I think I'm making it a tad harder for myself trying to improve my long run.

Good on me

Tuesday 1 September 2015

Make up & Money

So I'm awake and bored and what the hell, let's write some random stuff. Why not, am I right?

My life has literally been so criminally uninteresting the past few weeks that I have not the foggiest what I'm even meant to write about that might be remotely interesting.... Fuck.

Okay, so I was just scrolling down my Facebook newsfeed and the sheer amount of things about beauty I see is incredible. "10 simple beauty tips every girl needs to know", "LIKE if you think she's pretty", "tutorial for amazing brows". It's everywhere.

I've never been one to fuss too much about my overall appearance. I'd much rather have an extra 15 minutes in bed than struggle to make my eyeliner symmetrical. I rarely manage to make it even, it's a whole pointless endeavor which almost always results in tears of some form.

Most days I just cover up any spots if I have any, whack on some mascara and use a lip stain pen. If I'm not intending on leaving the house, I chuck on a pair of jeans, whack a cami over my head and waddle down the stairs like a reenactment of "Shaun of the Dead". Minus the...you know. Minus the blood. I then grab my kitten and the remote, throw a blanket over myself and don't move until I get hungry.

I don't see the point in covering up my flaws around my family. They knew me when I was still in nappies and they've seen me at my absolute worst. I don't need to impress them with my stunning looks. Not that I have any, mind...

If I'm going in to town with a friend, yes. I will spend rather too much time thinking what cute outfit I want to wear so I feel pretty. Not look pretty. Feel. I drag most my wardrobe to my bedroom floor, trying things on, creating a superb mess which I procrastinate about tidying up afterwards for days.

Eventually I'll find something which I think makes my legs look skinnier, my stomach look flat and makes me feel just a little bit elegant. I'll lay it out on my chair the day before I go out so I'm all ready to go. I have to be organised.

Shoes, I don't give a flying fuck. Pumps or sandals. Depending how I'm feeling. If I wear heels I'll fall over and look like a ginormous PRICK.

On special occasions, I rarely try anything adventurous. Classic eyeliner which takes 6 or so attempts to perfect, a pinky red lipstick and that's about it. I don't see much point.

Yes, wearing it makes me feel a little bit pretty. It makes me feel that maybe people will take a bit of notice of me rather than me being a wallflower and overshadowed by the tonnes of stunning people I hang around with. That's why I understand why people do wear make up.

However at the same time I think it's absolutely terrible that people, and it's not just girls anymore, it's some guys too, feel that they have to cover their faces to be noticed. People feel that if they have blemishes on their skin, or bags under their eyes, people won't like them. Sometimes people want to stand out and be noticed. It makes people feel special when they're noticed. I'm just not sure that people are taking the right approach to it.

What I notice in people is far different. I notice people walking with a spring in their step, smiling, laughing. Wearing a shirt I like. Reading a book I love. Falling over in public. I can see attractiveness in people who don't make an effort with their appearance, first thing in the morning, last thing at night before going to sleep. Am I the only one who can see these things?

Guys say to girls they love that they're beautiful without their make up. Love is meant to be about being with someone because of their personality, their persona, the vibe they give off and all of their vices. Not because of face and body.

Yeah, yeah. Guys don't give ugly girls a second glance. But a guy who judges purely on appearance is not a guy worth being around. The same applies the other way around.

Society has tried to make people conform to unrealistic appearance goals. Models in magazines are all flawless, and it makes people try to copy them. But it isn't necessary. If magazines would stop airbrushing and using tonnes of make up, then people would feel less insecure about themselves and leaving the house au naturel would not be a big deal.

But then cosmetic industries lose a lot of money.

People's desire to be perfect in an unnatural way is fueling these millionaire cosmetic companies, which the government can tax and gain more money. Make up isn't about self confidence. It's about making money.

The whole thing to me is a scam. Magazines make people feel insecure about their appearance, make up sales increase, cha ching. It is all about the money.

And make up trends get more and more alarming and ridiculous. Swollen lips, shaving off eyebrows and drawing them on with a crayon, implants left right and centre. It can't be good for people. Some of this stuff must be pretty dangerous.

I just think people should be able to feel good about themselves for who they are naturally. Without hair dye, or make up, or implants. I think it's unfair for people to feel bad and ugly because they don't have clear skin, because they don't have a thigh gap, because they're not as thin as they could be.

If a person decides to do something for them and for them only, for example, they want to dye their hair a certain colour, for reasons other than fitting in with society and trends, go for it. I didn't like my hair colour for ages and ages, just because I didn't like the colour. Personal preference and all that. If you want to be skinnier coz you think you're not the weight you'd like to be, go for it. Just stay within the normal limits and don't overdo it. Stay healthy.

But wearing false eyelashes coz Kim Kardashian wears them and she's really pretty and you wanna look like her.

Please don't.

Be yourself.

Stop trying to be just like someone else.

I guarantee you, people will love you for being you a lot more than they'll love you if you're the same as everyone else.

Be unique.

This ended up as a bit of a rant. Sorry guys. I just want people to be happy and ride unicorns and poop rainbows and I want people to accept that they can be beautiful by themselves,

Just gotta shine.