I swear it is literally always me....
Some weird cloud of devastation follows me....
But instead of the simple tragic events, I end up with the tragically comedic and just plain pathetic incidents which, while being funny for the majority of onlookers, for me, really aren't actually all that funny.
So yesterday was pretty standard until I sat down on the common room floor awkwardly and couldn't get back up again.
Smooth, I know.
So my friends Kim and Georgia came over to try and help me up, only my shoes don't have all that much grip...I ended up skidding along the floor and landing in an awkward heap, yelling at them about how a chair with three legs would have provided me with more stability while they tried not to wet themselves.
I am literally the essence of attractive *L'Oreal hair flick*
Merely two hours later, I looked over my shoulder to say goodbye to someone and full-on face-planted a bus stop post, thus rebounding a good metre or so.
The poor chap didn't quite know how to react....
For some reason, I always seem to attempt to get off the train on the wrong side. I'll be frantically pressing the button, wondering why the damn thing isn't opening, before realising that everyone else is offloading on the other side of the train and they're all looking at me as if I've been let out for the day...
I also have this habit of trying to be a hella lot cooler than I actually am.
So again, yesterday - t'was not a good day - it chucked it down, and in order to jump over a colossal puddle flooding the entrance to a park I had to walk through, I climbed on top of a wall.
It was only like hip height but still, it was a bit of a struggle.... especially as it was dark and raining and my bag weighed a tonne
Then some weird thing...REALLY weird... possessed me to think "jumping over this puddles gonna be hella swag, I should toats magotes film this to up my street cred"
I commenced filming, jumped off the wall and just carried on going down
.........and just a bit more
Until I landed in the goddamn puddle.
I filmed myself falling in a puddle. What even am I?
Somehow, I turned my Siri on in my pocket yesterday while talking to my dad and I went to check the time and what has Siri deciphered other than:
"Do you like my dick"
No, Siri. Go home. You're drunk.
Today's incident was so unfortunate that I'm surprised I still have my hair on and a functioning cardiac muscle.
I was at band practise, mid-way through a song. I like to film it so we can look back and figure out weaker points.
The fire alarm went off mid-song
And I jumped a mile and screamed the place down.
The worst part is that the fire alarm goes off every single week, as they test them at 4pm on a Friday. They just did it a bit earlier than usual today....
Thanks a bunch. So now I have a video of me having a heart attack.
I never want to hear "Use Somebody" ever again anymore.
It's just tragic. I'm a drama magnet.